Does it hurt any more if you lose someone whom you’ve had a great marriage with, than someone who loses someone whom they didn’t?
Less? Same hurt? I wonder.

Trish stopped by tonight. She’s in search of job in the entertainment and hospitality business. She said she loves putting events on or managing them. I’m going to see what I can do to help get her foot in the door somewhere within my network. I honestly can’t tell what kind of worker she is, but all I know is that she’s “good people.” That’s half the battle. The other is what you’re made of as a worker. How far are you willing to go. Your work ethic.
Do you prefer to take shortcuts or are you willing to get your hands dirty? The latter is sweeter in my book.

The Blog’s social media campaign is performing better than expected. It’s still not perfect. I’m still learning about users’ behavior. I’m reading their analytics. How many pages they’ve viewed, how long they stayed on each page. I’m learning. Refining. Experimenting. I’ll eventually nail it.

Was chatting with some woman on one of the apps. I send a message back with a joke. A notification from facebook drops down on my phone and says: “Janine Marie just posted something on…” My heart fucking dropped. I look again, and this time I focus my eyes at the small type sized notification “Janice Marie just posted something on…” I was fucking laughing hysterically. I laughed so hard I had to tell you about it. You would have shaken your head at me and called me “You’re an idiot.”

I was telling Trish about how mechanically retarded you were. LMAO. That I loved you for that. That you always had the cute face you made when you caught yourself in a dumb moment. Your eyes would grow wide, your eyebrows raise up, your lips turn into the cutest grin a mouth could have. Then you’d hold your fingers over your mouth pose as if to say “Oops.”

I’m weaning myself off from writing every night, baby. I can’t, it’s not fair. Plus, it’s exhausting. Talking is different than writing. I enjoyed our talks. While I enjoy writing, it’s still too demanding. I have to be able to use that time to make myself “right” in the head. Breaks. Even when you were alive, I sometimes needed a break as you did with me. We both needed breaks from each other once a while. We just hated each other in that ever so brief of periods. Sometimes as long as a full day. Never more. Never forgotten, but life must move on. We’ll keep addressing it as we move forward until we find a resolution. It cannot; however, consume all other aspects of a marriage or a partnership. It will; otherwise, create more damage between a couple because more is being brought into the fight or argument. An argument is just that, treat it as such. It should not extend beyond that and poison a marriage.

I’m starving.

I had a blast last night. I called Sarah to see if she was doing anything. This wasn’t planned. It was just the spur of the moment.
I found a ride for Bella from the Bar Mitzvah she was at last night. Our angel Gabriel volunteered to pick her up.
I met up with Sarah at Tequilas. I had a few drinks. Forgot my wallet home. Idiot. Embarrassing. I fucking hate it. We checked out SPiN, the Lucky Strikes but ping pong. It was actually a happening place. Fun, lively. Too fucking young. Where do all the 35 to 45 ladies go congregate, deliberate, investigate, initiate, deviate, demonstrate, LMAO. I’m sorry, I’m just getting silly now.

We then headed to a live jazz joint. It was really good. I’m still trying to get into it. More of a Blues guys, but I’m learning to enjoy jazz. I’m learning to appreciate beauty, again.

This morning I had brunch at Alia and Jerry. Alia got some stomach ache this morning. She thinks it was contracted from Almond Milk she had with her coffee. They had to cancel the brunch, but since I was already at their cafe, and the food was already made, why not? Let’s just have the delicious brunch Alia and Mama had prepared. Poor sis tried to join us, she neither was looking nor feeling well. She went back to bed. Mama, Jerry and I ate. Ate well. Yum.

I cut our brunch short and headed back home. Bella and I needed to go shopping for the week. We got some stuff. I had to go take a nap before Trish swings by.

That was my past day and today.
Life is starting to take on a direction. I’m starting to figure shit out.

Good night my sweet.

I love you,

Me